Thank-full, a day late

So as always I may be a day late and a dollar short, but… I am thankful for many things in my life, I have great friends and what I would really like to consider the best extended family anyone could want. I find myself in a new place and even though the traditions may be different I am glad to be a part of the Chico Thanksgiving tradition.

However, not to loose a sense of self,  it was not easy being away from home on this holiday. First and foremost I could not torment my mother with the Macy’s day parade. However The parade in the past few years really has not been the same. To be honest there was at least one person here that commiserated with me on the differences of the parade and how they are truly for the worse (a conversation I am sure I would have had with my father).

Something else that was different is my, somewhat, new Pescetarian diet. As originally planned, after I made the move to California, I no longer eat meat, other than than fish and seafood. So, while partaking of the Thanksgiving spread I had to be aware of what foods were vegetarian and what ones were not. The strangest part for me came tonight, when eating leftovers, I had to pass on the squash soup because it was cooked with turkey stock.

Another difference was that since 1998 I have taken my little sister Kate to a movie on black Friday. A tradition I know she so greatly relied on. What Katie doesn’t know is that those “dates” mean as much to me as they do to her, and out of everything that is the hardest part of being away from home. Katie, I miss you more than you know. but as you are almost 18 I hope you will someday understand I am where I belong.

After that, what can I say?

Thank you to my family for everything, especially the support and positive thoughts. Thank you to my friends for all of the support and being the awesome people you are. And, thank you to my ever growing group of “extended family” for not only including me but accepting me into the fold.

On this Thanksgiving (give or take a day or two) I am thank-full for those who care about me, both those who “have” to and those who choose to. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!!

My Aunt Mary

For those of you who may not know, my Aunt Mary passed away this past friday night. This was not something that was entirely unexpected, we had a short amount of time to come to grips that this would happen soon. However, knowing it is going to happen and being ready for it to happen are two different things. I cannot be home to be with my family, and say my good-byes, but before I left the east coast I spent time with Mary, we laughed, cried, laughed some more, and cried some more. We sat in silence and contemplated the reasons these things were happening and what would happen. I sit here thinking of her and wanting to share my Aunt Mary with every one.

Mary was a unique and wonderful woman. She was a free spirit, intelligent, and strong. Mary was eclectic, she often had several irons in the fire and I wonder if she needed chaos to keep here level. She was a lover of music and arts, I remember sitting and talking to her at length about both. She told me about running-away to go to Woodstock, after some prodding. She was a friend and an advisor, a confidant and a compassionate shoulder. Most of all she was a supporter, she would get behind you and stand with you and be with you in the challenges you set out to achieve. Mary was a sister, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt, and friend.

There are so many more things I want to say, but I am not sure how. Before I moved I was given her blessing with the addendum that I do “all the things I know she would want me to do”. Its very hard being here while everyone else is there. I want to be there for them, and have them there for me. But I know I am where I need to be and where Mary would want me to be. I miss and love all of you.

Most of all, Aunt Mary I miss you and love you. You will be with me forever.

IRISH FUNERAL PRAYER

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without  effort
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting,  when we meet again.

Source: derived from a sermon written by Henry Scott Holland and delivered in St. Paul’s (London) on 15 May 1910, at which time the body of King Edward VII was lying in state at Westminster. Although not originally derived from Irish writings, versions of this sermon have been used at many Irish and Catholic funerals over the years.

“If you are my friend”….you don’t need to read this, but you will anyway

How many people have received one of those mass posts on their social network that informs “real friends” to respond to the message to prove their friendship? I know I have. I also know that I have ignored all of them. If you are my friend, then you should know me well enough to know when given ultimatums I do not respond well or in the desired fashion.

I vaguely remember getting one of those posts sometime a few months or so ago, and of course I did not respond. Then, a few days ago, I wanted to ask my friend a simple question only to find that they had deleted me, so I attempted to reconnect. This attempt was not accepted nor was it ignored. Instead I received a message telling me that friends were cut who did not respond. and that blah blah blah if I wanted something from this person I just needed to ask. I took an exception to this. I do not make habit of using my friends and found it a bit insulting that this person would think that. I did want to ask a simple question but I would be damned if I asked it now. I conveyed my disappointment and left it at that. I have not attempted to contact that person again.

There has been a lot going on in my world lately. Besides working six-day weeks, I found out that my mother has to have surgery that is kinda serious, I gave my notice at work that I am moving across the country, I am trying to get everything for said move, and also that one of my more favorite relatives has lung cancer. So I have been a bit preoccupied.

However to get back to my point, I do not talk to my best friends on a daily, or even weekly basis. That does not make them any less than my best friends. Honestly, I have immediate family that I do not talk to often either, and there is no ill feelings. If my friends or family need anything all they have to do is ask, and I know that it is reciprocal.  Social media are much like a telephone, it is not a one way line. Social media does not only work if I contact “you”,  ”you”can contact me as well, and not just in a mass message telling me I have to let you know I am your friend. Where are the messages from you, where is the display of your friendship? How is it that I am a bad friend? We all have ups and downs, we all have good days and bad. I can not, and would not,  hold it against you if you are going through a rough patch nor should you hold it against me. I am here and maybe I could help, I can listen if nothing else.

 

 

Balloons (a rambling thought)

It is funny the things that stick with you. While driving home today I noticed a couple of balloons laying in the grass of one of the local cemeteries and my mind jumped to elementary school. I am not sure what grade we were in but I remember filling out a  post card with my name, age, grade and school address, attaching that card (the more I think of it we may have put them inside) a balloon filled with helium and releasing them in the school yard. The point to this exercise was to see who would be contacted from the farthest distance away.

Is this still something schools do? I seem to remember that some balloons never made it far, they would get tangled in trees and power lines. Some were found and some of those post cards were mailed back, what I wonder about are the balloons that were not found. What became of them? Where did they end up? The other question is how was it not considered littering? What would Woodsy Owl have said about this? “Give a hoot and don’t pollute, unless it is a semi-educational project” I bet not.

It’s funny to think that the of the excitement of maybe hearing from someone thirty or fifty miles away. Thirty miles was such a far far way to go for a child. To hear from someone that far away was exciting. Today a child can get on a computer and contact someone on the other side of the world. I am not sure if one of my nieces or nephews would have the same excitement or reaction as I had.

I am not sure exactly why this has stuck in my head, crying for comment.  However, there it is.

My life in an American Steel Mill

While at work today I began thinking of my life and my place in the American steel mill that pays my bills. I am not a person that is afraid of work, when I was young my parents (Dad particularly) instilled a strong work ethic in me. You do not call off unless there is no other option. Don’t feel like it, tough shit. Got something better to do, tough shit. Gotta cold, unless you are dying, TOUGH SHIT. You have a job, you have a responsibility. Now I have shirked a day or two when I was younger but now that I have been under some sort of employment for over half of my life, those days are few and far between. Living in northwestern Pennsylvania, there are few jobs to be had, and to screw this one up is worse than suicide (maybe that is a bit dramatic, but all in all it is true).

All that being said, I do not feel like I fit. The short list is….

1. I do not hunt

2. I am not a Steelers fan

3. I do not own A gun (let alone many guns, to necessitate an entire rack

4. I am not a Republican

Short list maybe, but it puts miles between myself and my coworkers. All this considered, there is the environment to consider. Steel work is smoky and hot. When I say hot, I mean to say HOT!!!  However lets take things one at a time….
Smoke…. there is no way around it. We take lots and lots of electricity and use it to pummel bits and pieces of scrap metal to turn it from solid to liquid. Byproducts liquid steel, slag, and smoke. Then the liquid steel and slag are dumped into a mobile vessel, the slag is raked off, a new slag is created (and so is smoke). Alloys are added and refine the steel (and make smoke).  Then, the vessel is moved over a mold set and the steel is emptied into the molds (guess what, more smoke). As an asthmatic and former smoker, my breathing is somewhat more limited than it was before. I quit smoking six years ago and feel as bad now as I did when I quit.

I sit here writing this, and I want to convey everything I can. I want people to know the life of a steel worker, but i feel like a whiner. My job isn’t me, I have evolved. I need something different. I am in the process of a change. I hope to share the changes with anyone who cares.

Please post questions and make comments, I would like to go through this with people. I tend to over think things and over-analyse things and maybe I will overlook something that you find interesting. So get in touch.

S

Opening A New Door

As I sit here in my parents’ house I am thinking of my upcoming move, a move we all know has been a long time coming. Truthfully, this scares the shit out of me. Don’t get me wrong, it definitely feels like the right move for me and the right thing to do, but, I have made smaller jumps before and ultimately returned back to my hometown. I hear and see things everyday that confirm I am laying my feet on the right path, but the thought of failure is almost paralyzing.  I had so many thoughts when i sat down to type this and it has all left me. I’ve had a blog before and it fell by the wayside, I hope this attempt will fare better. To anyone who reads this, I’m sorry this first entry is so short. I am sure there will be better/more later.

S